It’s my ex boyfriends birthday on Saturday. It will be the first time in 6 years that I will not staying up till twelve ,so I could be the first to wish him. I have been relatively ok for a long while till it got to this week.
I don’t want him back or neither do I want to dwell in the past. But I do miss him. I started hearing his voice in my head again, and it makes me smile.
However I will not wish him for his birthday. He has moved on, and I will move on in time.
This morning I awoke to a dream of my ex and me. It was very realistic and the happiness I experienced was pure bliss. It was him and I getting back together, and for those moments we made each happy again. Like how it was in the beginning . It’s been hours later and I still hear his laughter and can see his smile.
In the dream we had decided to give it another try and were looking forward to the future. As I awoke from the dream , my first thought was I don’t want him back.
A bit of background, we dated long distance for a few years. I loved him and thought the son rose and shone from him. This of course changed over the years. While I still loved him , I was no longer in love with him. He ended the relationship six months ago, and it has been a long process to getting to an okay place. I relied on him and didn’t know how to be on my own again.
We had spoken after the breakup, he had moved on and I had not. I was angry at him for a very long time. Every promise that was made by him, would mock at me.
After the dream, I messaged him. Told him, that I forgive him and wish him happiness with partner. He wanted to talk and hoped I saw things as he did six months ago. That part was a bit too hard. I didn’t not need to know he thought about me. It took a long time to get a place where I was stable.
I let go of him and the dreams that have died six months ago. I enter this new year looking forward to dreaming new dreams.